Bugolgi Apparatus

 Bl ood of another kind   I ate everything you said   I bought what you made   you became a voice in my head   I followed to a point   there’s an emptiness ahead   pain in the back   I take the vow to become   everything myself   we’re blood of another kind   flowing through like minds   suddenly destiny’s not so abstract   with decades barking in the back   blood of another kind   it’s something I realized   you can’t afford to look down   the vertigo will do you in  

  Interpretation Try it on how it suits you   make the words your own   feel how it moves you   it’s all open now   to interpretation   this could be you   not as I know you but something new   get lost in a name   as it whispers to you   you won’t be the same   through these fields of view   you could ruin years   afraid of what you don’t know   crying tears over something   you never had before you could turn the page   or throw the book out   we speak a new language   together every time we talk   dreams bend with experiences   we grow by listening deep   to the music hearts are make what it means to you and me

Nothing as sounds surround me  nothing I read into flashing  nothing as heart’s pounding  nothing as I take  medicine  nothing as the world’s burning  nothing as pages turning  nothing as you kiss me  nothing on my own again

a cult is spread through the head   tying loser to loser to loser   vinyl encases private fetishes   unpublished on coffee tables   you had chances; preferring glances   polaroid eighties; Asian models   New York soundtracks in the provinces   enough to make anyone cry and laugh   voice sticking on every syllable   turning the sublime heart-rendering-ly simple   king of every bedroom regret we worship what we can’t collect   oh my departed friend   we’ll always have the memory   of your mylar-encased vinyl   and CD collection i’ll always remember you crying   over the obscurity of Jay Alanski

  Kill yourself Slowly kill yourself slowly over a lifetime a little every day just a bit of pain through years of indecision agree with everything always say “fine” dress appropriately   vote republican, marry white ignore experts and the science indulge yourself with little things socialize frequently take advice of colleagues thoughts are tucked away leaking out occasionally excuse what you say always apologize   say, “thanks”

  Certainty   craving certainty   you tie your lot   to the past   with a future knot   the moment’s not   welcomed here   armored money   for nightly fears   you do everything right   you marry well   mouthing slogans   you’ve made up yourself   and if and when you   miscalculate   you attack with an authority   that won’t break certainly there are   more important things   But once you get started   It’s grease on the wheels as you slowly become   what you fear   you embrace the dark as one sort of career

  Squinting While I clip my nails   and trim my nose hairs   I think of those former friends from war zones   how uncomfortable they were   we couldn’t have a civil conversation   without an attack   on my girlfriend’s perfume   it was too easy to kill the vibe   polite society requires   everything said a provocation   circling back to unspoken traumas   the effort to squint and enjoy the   band of happiness we were attempting   demanded too large of a leap of faith   from persons whose faith was shattered