Bugolgi Apparatus

  Half-Wrong   I was half-wrong   you were half-right only you   get to decide   outcomes   in a sticky night   “D’s” in calculus   come back to haunt a mind   the world looks pretty   hurt from up here   we don’t feel   mature in these heels   there are no terms   for the deal   do what you want and then   I think about it forever  

  Questions did you ever get it together?   I never opened the letter   you thought you knew better   judging me in your sweater   did it ever start to hum?   those notes you got wrong   you wouldn’t give up   although you could move up a half-tone   did it ever hit twice?   those times were so nice   now they’re gone like the ice   evaporating in the sky   will I ever see you again?   my dreams have been barren   metaphors easily matched   kisses turning to sand   questions live unanswered   in boxes unopened packed   in alphabetical order   in the back of my closet  

  Time’s secondhand   we watch the film  then talk about it  listen to music  consume cultural products  we talk about  your favorite novel  and try to avoid  politics  all my memories blur  with dreams  actions I take  copying screens  I wonder if I ever  felt anything that  hasn’t been  cued by hand please give me  new experiences  something I couldn’t  imagine myself  these times have become  predictable  we all know how  this movie ends 

  Compulsive list-makers   I meant every cent I spent  even the money I lent  can’t have a good time  while worrying about it  now that I’m  old broke and bent  I miss everyone that I kissed  even ones that are still pissed  times good and bad  pass like gas  memories blur  dreams in the mist  still crave make art and pray  to a goddess whose attentions I betray  l just need more time  to work on these rhymes  it’s not promised  but I’ll pay it back some day 

  Does it make you more human? desiring speed  craving beauty  mortgaging futures  out of vanity  do you think,  “does it make me more human?”  turn your head  to the shiny instead  it invades your bed  takes over your dread  you never said,  “does it make me more human?”  everything delicious  isn’t good for you  many nice things  would kill you  not everything new  has that ring of truth  look out now  it’s calling for you  Does it make you fly  does it make you swim  does it take you from  the heights to the depths  does it make you more human?

Click Here   “Hunger Taken by Thirst” now streaming.   I saw Ivan Julian on stage with Shriekback on their 86 tour of “Oil & Gold”. Couldn’t take my eyes or ears off of him, as he was bouncing and weaving; guitar god version of Yannick Noah, smashing every note into the concrete. Formative hearing these sheets of sound over grooves, entangling the DX-7 onslaught by Andrews and Halliwell. Nineteen-year old brains were on wide-screen record.     Internet-less in that era, information was scarce; moving via British weeklies, mags, vinyl, and tape. It’d be a few years before I’d hear the work with Voidoids that made his name. But I can still see that Syracuse night in my mind now.   Decades later, I’m teaching in NYC, writing and playing; doing the two-borough hop into Brooklyn where Javier Hernandez-Miyares is holding court at 17 Frost. An art gallery performance space connected to Ivan’s studio, Super Giraffe Sound.   I peek Ivan occasionally; silent, dee...

It doesn’t do what it did  It doesn’t do  what it did  you’ve tried  to fix it  now you want  to get rid of it  people will look  at its condition  and they’ll  underbid it  so you stay  with it  resenting  its presence yet you can’t think of it  as broken  as you live in the past  as much as the present    

People want things  everyone becomes  their own industry  people are disappointing  quality varies  there are brute inconsistencies  we’re here to learn  here to get burned  only thing that interests me  is your speed of recovery  here to enjoy  here to employ  each other in arrays  designs and shapes of the mind My desires are changing  I can’t pretend  to understand them  I capitulate to them later coming up  with reasons and justifications  to be published in an expensive  poorly-selling  item on eBay