Lullabye
are we still in a lull
how long does it last
you seem depressed
why do you ask
i’d give you a call
if you’d respond
you might not be up
preferring down
my friend Carl used to savor one
paired with a wine
writing dead stars
without replies
i use the time
to be unproductive
putting existential goals in order
working seductions
drowns the city with her laughter
then she offers assistance
after every disaster
you tell her you're leaving
she says, "not so soon."
she's busy using your heart
to clean up her room
you swear you'll miss her
this she doesn't believe
you hide those pictures of her sister
in the folder on your screen
everyone carries her egg
within the egg is a lie
you find out too late
it’s not what it takes to survive
I just watch everything and think
What the fuck is going on
I’m fine in my apartment
I see no reason to step out
I miss the city I miss the buzz
I just miss being young
But could you imagine stepping
Back into yesterday with what you know now
So I’m exiled in the suburbs
I’m that old crazy woman now
I won’t post more than a few pieces of art
It’s insane how everything is public
Where’s the dignity in that
When I get too lonely I just talk to my plants
You’ll never get me
The way you want me
Live with your regrets
While I don’t have any
I had my fun
And now I’ve got my dignity
Can’t step into that cesspool again
Not with these heels
I meet a lot of people
coming out of trauma
they make it sound thrilling
connecting with something
that gives them
so much meaning
before I can wish it
could happen to me
they’ve got me up to
my bare sleeves
I breathe them in
over my skin
before I can tell
what’s happening
I’m feeling horrific visions
blended with love
resembling the predictions
science warns us about
I’m telling you all about it
just telling you all about it
